Archive for January, 2015

Afraid of Ridicule and Rejection

January 31, 2015

afraid of ridicule and rejection
I feel I must be more bold.
I find I play it safe
I am afraid to show too much of my true self.
Afraid of ridicule and rejection.

Do you ever feel this way?
How do you deal with it?

The fact is, when we live our lives with passion and without hesitation,
there will always be ridicule and rejection,
for the world at large has trouble understanding a person living from their authentic truth.
It’s just not built to support such a thing!

When we do live this way we will always be challenged,
but we do not have to take on every challenge
and we certainly don’t have to take challenges personally.

My self-esteem must become independently secure.
Based on loving myself and on nothing else.

Then I will feel free to walk through the world and face any challenge.
All attacks will only reach my surface.
My insides remain safe behind the armour of love.

Peace is Boring

January 30, 2015

peace is boring
I seek peace and stillness.

Not boring stillness, but one full of life and richness.
Not a withdrawn peace, but one that is involved and passionate.

I want to walk through the world with knowing, with faith,
with “The certainty of uncertainty.” – Tulshi Sen.

The fear of the unknown and the uncertain cause me stress.
I hold this tension in my mind and body.

It leaks out all over my life.
In my activities, my productivity, my health and my relationships.
I poison myself and my environment with my fear!

This is why my teacher, Mr. Tulshi Sen says we must work to increase our belief level.

Every day that I believe more I fear less and I relax more.
I can allow my authentic self to surface and hide behind the mask no more.

This is what will bring the peace and stillness I seek.

Who’s Got Your Back?

January 29, 2015

we must have our own back
We must be a real support to ourselves.
We must honour our own feelings and our process.
We must have our own back!

Sometimes you have to be selfish
to protect your progress.

I often sacrifice this to take care of other people’s feelings.
There are times when this is necessary.
As a father, as a son, as a friend.

And yet there are times when it’s more important for me to take care of my own needs.

Before the heart pumps blood to the rest of the body it takes what it needs to sustain itself.
For it cannot feed the body if it is malnourished!

When I honour and value my own self, I am nourishing myself.
I become more authentic.

It can be messy sometimes.
It may also lead to being judged.
WILL lead to being judged!!

When you take time for yourself there may be people who will get hurt and that is okay.
You do not have to save everyone from their pain.
You create your pain and they create theirs.

Don’t be an asshole,
but also don’t be a saviour!

Just be true to yourself.
That will require listening to your own heart in every moment.
Listen and be willing to follow.

Give yourself the love and support you need.
Only then can you be of real use to others
Only then can you offer your highest gifts to the world.

And I can tell you that the world needs your gifts!

Seeking Romance!

January 28, 2015

My desire for romantic connection comes from my desire to feel complete.
When we are in love we feel more complete, we feel the void is filled.

And yet only Divine Completeness is enduring.
Romantic completeness is but a reflection, a glimpse of the Divine Completeness.

Divine Completeness is the only one that satisfies.
In fact when I am truly Complete there will be no one left to satisfy!
For I will be One.

So feel free to seek romantic completeness Vivek,
but do not be fooled into thinking it is a solution to your inner problems.
Do not seek it to feel less lonely, nor to fill the void within.

For these motivations will always lead to heartache.

Do it because you WANT to, because it feels good and brings you joy.
These are very excellent reasons to seek romance!

There is a subtle difference between these motivations.
One is running from the bad
The other is seeking the good.

Yet there is an even higher motivation in seeking romantic completeness
and in expressing romantic love.

To be a reflection of Divine Completeness and Divine Love!

If this can be what is in your heart,
then your romance will be pure and
lift the two of you higher than you can imagine.

Attack the Root

January 27, 2015

attack the root

Trying to destroy a tree by plucking its leaves one at a time
is fruitless and madness, an impossible venture.

The only way is to attack the root.
Find the root of your anger, the root of your pain, the root of your Love!

Over the years, as I journey deeper within myself I have begun to discover
There is only one root.

 

root

I Love to Laugh!

January 26, 2015

laugh in times of stress

I love to laugh.
I constantly remind myself –
Never lose your sense of humour.

The ability to laugh at yourself and at life is vital to maintaining accurate perception.
When we get too serious it places a coloured lens before our eyes.

I always say that I take my art seriously, I take my growth seriously, but I don’t take myself seriously.
We can never see reality this way.

Laughing clears away the filters and allows a more direct experience of the truth.

Laughing in times of stress and pain
is a way of acknowledging
the omnipresence of the Divine presence.

Once upon a time a Sage was walking through the forest
when he was suddenly surrounded by a gang of robbers.

They got angry when they realized that he had no money for them.
They threw him to the ground and began to kick him and beat him with sticks.

As the Sage was being beaten to death he began to laugh.
He laughed and laughed and laughed.

The hooligans were very surprised by his reaction.
They stopped their violence and asked him why he was laughing?
he just said:

“I see you.
You cannot fool me by taking the form of robbers.
I see you my beloved.”

He knew that the Divine presence was everywhere and is everything.
He knew, even in this difficult situation,
that he was not alone, he was not abandoned
It was actually happening for his highest good.

So he laughed and said
“I see You!”

Laughter is saying
“I see you!”

The Pain of Betrayal

January 25, 2015

I was recently betrayed by someone I thought was a friend.

It hurts!
Ouch!
Shit, Damn and Fuck it Hurts!

And yet it is a gift that this happened.
I have been given the awareness of an inner wound.
I have seen a deep insecurity.

I am injured.
I have fallen and I can’t get up.
I am pissed off and afraid at the same time.

I am scared everyone will leave me.
They’ll see I am a fake, that others are better and go to them instead.

It is painful and tiring to have these thoughts inside me.
It’s like I’m beating myself up every day.
The bullies beat me up in middle school and I’m continuing their work!

I want to exorcise this demon from my heart
So I can live free from the self-condemnation that robs me of my joy.

There is only one problem here and only one solution.

The problem is I don’t love myself enough.
The solution is I must LOVE myself more
And rely upon the Divine.

Okay, so 2 solutions!

tongue out

The Internal is Eternal

January 24, 2015

the internal is Eternal

Rely on the Internal

The journey from relying on an external source of love
to relying on the internal source of love
is a long and difficult one.

It is fraught with dangers and traps.
Many enemies will attack you and try to keep you from your goal.

And yet this is a journey we must make.

A Strong Inner Connection

I must make my inner connection so strong that I do not rely on the external for anything.
Not for my sustenance
Nor love, affection, intimacy, learning nor fun.

NOTHING!

Rely upon your consciousness for all things
And you will be supplied with all things.

For the external is weak, Limited, and transitory.
While the Internal is Eternal!

The Path is Long

January 24, 2015

path is long
A note to myself from my Journal:

Vivek, your path is long and has many pitfalls and traps
which you yourself have set!

It is not a random situation you find yourself in,
but a consciously created lesson/test.
You must prevail.

See life from the perspective of it being consciously created
instead of random, and you will gain a new perspective.
You will see everything and everyone as part of your journey and a part of your challenge!

Then you will change how you react to every moment.
This will awaken you to a secret level of existence
You will feel that every experience is there for your education, for your benefit.

When you live on the surface much is lost.
When you delve beneath and grasp a deeper reality you see what power, wisdom and beauty every moment contains.
Such potential just waiting for you.

Tortured by My Past

January 22, 2015

little vivek aLittle Vivek is tortured by his past, aching from his wounds, crying out for love and acceptance.

He wants to know he is worthy and valuable, wanted and safe.
He wants to know there is someone he can rely on.
Yet his experiences denied all of this to him!
His environment taught him very quickly that he was not worthy of these things.

Part of my work must be to give these things to him now.
To be his source of love, validation, worth and safety.
To become a person he can rely on unconditionally!

Unfortunately I am not such a person… Yet!

I actually continue to add to his pain and feelings of mistrust.
These are the mental and emotional habit patterns that arise from my inner wounds.
I dwell on unhealthy things, arguments, lack, loneliness, and injustice.
I attack myself daily!

How can that innocent, sweet, kind and playful child feel safe in my chaotic and harsh inner landscape?

To be little Vivek’s ally I must work at creating an ideal environment for him to flourish.
There is much healing and forgiveness to be done!

As I go through this process it can only serve to make me a better man, a better son, a better friend and most importantly a better father.