Archive for April, 2015

Having Compassion for the Solitude of Suffering

April 30, 2015

the solitude of Suffering
Private Suffering

No one knows how much a person suffers
in the solitude of their minds.
So many people live in own their private hells.

They hide their pain from the world,
at least they try to.
Pain has a way of leaking out though.
It enters into our work,
our relationships,
our play,
our creativity
and even our sleep.

But the world doesn’t see it
and we suffer alone.

Having Compassion

This is why I try and have compassion for others.
Especially those who try and attack me.

What pain they must be in.
What anger they are tormented by.
What grudges they must be carrying,
weighing them down.

With this load on their backs it is hard to
Stand straight
Think straight and to
Love straight (not being heteronormative here!)

The Challenge to Love When Attacked

So I have to supply the love for both of us in our interactions.

I don’t always succeed
for it’s a difficult thing to not react with anger of my own
But I try.

Graceful Pain

There are those who learn to deal with the pain with equanimity.
They can bear their pain without hurting others.

Often this lesson comes out of the pain itself.
Pain can introduce us to ourselves.
Like waking up from a bad dream
we wake up to a deeper reality of our own beings.

This self that feels pain is not our True self.
It is a mask we wear.

You Are Perfect (Yes You!)

The mask covers our “original face”
The Spirit within.
This Spirit cannot be hurt.
The mask can be hurt,
but not the wearer of the mask.

In your essence you are pure, infinite and perfect.
You are perfect wisdom, perfect joy and perfect love.

When we become aware of the mask,
and the being behind the mask,
pain takes on a different quality.

Self-Knowledge Creates Perspective

It still hurts,
but somehow we know we’re okay.
We know the pain cannot touch our centre.
This makes us better able to bear the pain of life.

Living in the world, in a body, pain is unavoidable.
Yet we can change our experience of it
by changing our knowledge of our selves.

Can you believe a little more today than you did yesterday?

April 29, 2015

believe rely risk
Can you believe a little more today than you did yesterday?

This would be a great accomplishment!
Believing in the invisible,
in the miraculous,
in the power of the human spirit
(which is the Universal Spirit).

Believe just a little more today.

Can you rely upon the Divine a little more today than you did yesterday?

This of course requires knowing how much you DID rely yesterday.
Some self-honesty is needed.
You have to love yourself enough to be able to admit your reliance level.
Celebrate how much you did rely and identify where you did not.
Doing this opens the door for you to consciously do more today!

Rely on the Divine just a little more today than you did yesterday.

Believing and Relying

The two powerful skills of the miraculous life!
Master these and the Universe is at your beck and call.
Master these and fear cannot touch you,
Pain cannot touch you and
Failure cannot touch you!

Let me tell you now about one thing that accompanies both belief and reliance…

RISK!

How often is risk talked about in spiritual discourse?
Not often enough I think.

RISK

To believe more today requires risk.
To rely more today requires risk.

When you rely upon the Divine for your sustenance you are no longer relying on the world.
Not on your job
not on sales
not on your parents
not on the lottery nor the government!!

Yes your money may come through these agents, but you do not rely on them.
You know when something comes to you, no matter it’s external source, it is a Divine gift.
It is a manifestation of the Divine power within!

So if you are not going to rely upon the visible,
but instead the IN-visible (which means visible IN-side you),
then suddenly you cannot see where your food will come from,
where your mortgage/rent will come from,
where your gas money will come from!
This is the risk

“WHERE WILL THE MONEY COME FROM?”

If you have family, older people and/or children who rely on you, then the risk is even greater.
What will happen to them if the money doesn’t come? They could be without food or they could end up on the street.

Suddenly believing and relying more today than yesterday becomes more intense.
It becomes something that requires courage and power.
Will you take this risk to discover the truth?
Will you dare to stand on the edge of apparent safety,
to live by what you know in your heart to be your Truth?

I urge you to say Yes

YES!!

Believe a little more today than you did yesterday
Rely a little more today than you did yesterday
Take a bigger risk today than you did yesterday.
Your tomorrow will thank you for it!

Peace

Hitting is Not a Bad Thing

April 28, 2015

hitting is not a bad thing or
How Can I Get My Kid to Stop Hitting?

A mother mentioned that her 1 1/2 year old has started hitting mommy and daddy when he’s upset. They have tried everything to get him to stop, but whatever they do seems to make him do it more.

This was my response.
It’s kind of long!
If you can get through it I’d love to hear what you think
———————

Hitting is Not a Bad Thing

It might seem strange but when a child of that age is hitting like that it is not actually a bad thing that they are doing. They are exploring their bodies and yours. They are exploring cause and effect. This is hard for us as adults to understand because we have deep emotional connections to that kind of behaviour, and rightly so! It’s important that we don’t project our emotions and motivations onto them. Let us start out by assuming the best of our kids.

Understand Different Developmental Stages

Young children at that stage also tend to have a different relationship to empathy then we do! When you make a sad face it is not an automatic connection for them that you are sad and that they are causing that sadness. That is a connection that they will eventually learn over time but it’s not automatic.

Also young children deeply want validation and attention. This is the period of life where they are forming their self-image, who they are and what kind of person they are. The way we respond to them and to their choices largely determines how they end up seeing themselves.

What I have found works very well in situations like this is completely counter intuitive and definitely different from the norm (as with all my patenting ideas!)

Look at the Positive Side of Hitting

I recommend trying an experiment. Instead of reacting in ways that make it seem like hitting is wrong, look past the surface behaviour and see the exploration and the learning that is going on. Even look at the joy of the physical experience!

Try and see it from that perspective and then reflect that back to your child. For example when he hits you, try saying something like “wow you’re so strong that was a really good hit. It’s so interesting the way our bodies work in the way our hands work like that. There are so many things you can do with your body and hitting is one of them.” And then you can go around the house and hit all sorts of things the pillows the couches the walls and experiment and explore what it feels like. What this does is to normalize the experience of hitting.

Celebrate and Join in With Their Desires

This action has two results. Number one it takes away the specialness of when he hits you. If you can celebrate his desires and even join in then he won’t have the same need to hit you. It’s not such an exciting thing anymore because he gets a chance to express that part of himself, which is a completely valid and natural part of himself, in many different ways and even with your approval and celebration! It is no longer this thing that creates such an energy filled situation.

Number 2 result is it builds a deeper bond of trust and acceptance between the two of you. Because you are showing him the very empathy and acceptance that you are hoping that he will show you by not hitting you. It is this kind of modeling that will go much further towards him not hitting than any controlling action.

Acceptance is More Powerful Than Control

The reason for that is any controlling action, whether it is yelling or timeouts or removal of privileges or really anything of that nature, these actually validate the idea that hitting another person or harming another person is a good way to control them. Instead what you are showing is acceptance and love and celebration of who your son is.

Rewarding Bad Behaviour

Most people will say oh Vivek, you are rewarding bad behaviour and reinforcing it and it will just continue! Well realistically no other approach seems to work anyways! This deeper level of love, patience, acceptance and validation has a power in it that is rarely employed and has miraculous results.

Give this a try and see how it works for you. It will require a lot of patience and perseverance because it doesn’t make a change overnight. But it will make a change and your son will feel your love deeper than he even did before, and what a blessing that is!

G Day for Girls Toronto – a Youth Empowerment Conference

April 27, 2015

 

g day for girls
I feel so thrilled that I got to share some Conscious Parenting ideas with a group of amazing people today at G Day Toronto. An empowerment conference for young girls.

Here is the video of the talk.
Below that is the text from the handout that I gave to the parents
so they could remember the essential points of my talk.
I’ve also added some extra information as well.

I invite you to watch the video, read the tips and share your responses.


——————————————————————
This talk is an introduction to some concepts and strategies that will help you to build a solid foundation of self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem in your children.
Our young ones are born with an already perfect sense of self-esteem.
As they grow and develop our responsibility is to protect and nourish it.
We must become champions of self-esteem.
Give them the message that they are strong, smart, talented, beautiful, creative, loving, fun, funny
and WONDERFUL IN EVERY WAY!

Action Items – Impractical Tips!

I don’t offer practical tips.
A practical tip is:
When “a” happens
Do “b”
And the result will be “c”.

For example if your kid is rude to you, give them two warnings and if they continue to be rude give them a timeout.

This will let them know that you are serious and have an expectation that they will behave properly and treat you with respect.

This is a practical tip.
The problem is that no person no two people are the same. Anything that prescribes exactly how to behave or what to do does not address the complexity and diversity of the human experience.

On top of that each of us are different from day to day. So in order to work with our kids well we have to be aware of what frame of mind they are in at any given moment and respond to them as the moment changes.

This is much harder than a practical tip.
That’s why I call them Impractical Tips.
Because they require a lot of work, a lot of attention and a lot of energy.
AND the payoff, the results are a lot deeper and more profound!

So let’s look at impractical tip #1
1) Practice a lot of Self-Care and self-development

If you aren’t being kind to yourself, loving yourself and occasionally thinking of yourself you will not have the energy available to be the kind of parent you want to be. Caring for our own energy helps us to be more patient, loving and attentive with our kids.

It is vital to always be working on yourself. Getting to know yourself better, loving deeper, healing more and more. This also helps us in forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes. We can be kinder to ourselves. Learning to love our kids more requires learning to love ourselves more.

2) Say YES as much as possible

YES gives kids ownership over their thinking and their lives.
Try and decrease the number of times you say NO throughout the day.
The more a child hears YES the more their general level of positivity will increase.
It is amazing to witness that when kids hear YES a lot,
their need for resistance and defiance decreases and eventually disappears!

Saying YES is a great method for increasing how much our children feel accepted, loved and understood. The common view is that if we say YES a lot then our children will take advantage of us.
This is simply not the case.
They are much nobler beings than we often give them credit for.
They will respond to love with love. Just give them time.

3) See things from their point of view

Value their perspective as equal to your own. This includes their preferences, priorities and moods. We must work at being able to enter the consciousness of our children at each age/stage of development.
Try and see the world from their perspective.

This is hard to do because we’re steeped in our own reality. Money, job, transportation, lack of time, relationships… you know, real life! Our priorities seem so real, important and valid. The things kid’s value just can’t compare.

The message of how worthy they are is something they carry with them for all their lives. It’s something WE have carried with us for all our lives! It affects their choices and desires. It affects what they believe they deserve. It can make kids settle for less than their dreams and their hearts deepest longing!

Let us do our best to give our children the most solid foundation we can by validating what they value.

4) Let go of consequences and punishments

Instead of forcing our kids to behave in certain ways it’s more effective to inspire them. We want them to be kind because they understand and FEEL that it is better to make others feel good rather than feel bad.

There is no way to teach someone to want to make others feel good by making them feel bad.
Punishment always teaches the opposite! To do something good, kind, even polite because we fear the consequence of not doing it is a surface level good. To do these things because we know, from the inside out, that they are the right thing to do, this is a deep level good.

And why would we want to aim for anything less with our children?

5) Be Consistent with Love – Be flexible with rules

Most of the time when we hear people say we have to be consistent as parents they are usually talking about being consistent with rules, punishments and consequences. The real consistency kids need is to know that they are loved unconditionally. Everything else requires flexibility. We have to deal with our kids as deep emotional beings, not as a collection of behaviours to modify and control.

I am not a fan of rules. I prefer guidelines.
Rules attempt to control and there is a consequence for breaking them.
Guidelines… GUIDE! They are designed to educate and inspire.

A problem with rules as an educational tool is that they teach through an external source.
If we teach through experience, discussion, collaborative decision making and understanding principles the lessons are deep. When the lesson is learned this way, it’s not a habit nor is it a programmed behaviour. It becomes a natural part of how they see the world, it is part of their paradigm. Teaching from the inside out.

6) Make them feel your unconditional love

It’s not enough that you know you love them unconditionally, they have to know it, especially when they makes mistakes. This builds a sense of worth. Less chance they’ll seek love from an external source for they will have it in abundance within.

This is particularly important when things aren’t going well. When they’re being difficult or when you are in a bad mood. It’s so easy for us to let our emotions get the better of us and behave in a non-loving way.

We must be stronger than that for them.
We must create such a safe space that they always feel our love, no matter what is happening.

Now of course you and I both know that we love our kids, even if we’re yelling at them or punishing them, we still love them. The problem is that when we’re acting that way THEY don’t feel it.
They begin to see our love as conditional.

“Dad loves me more when I act like this and less when I act like that.”

When they feel this way they begin to act in ways that are designed to create that loving connection and avoid acting in ways that would make them lose it. They create a false self that they think fits who you want them to be.

Instead we must try and treat them in a way that encourages them to be as authentic and natural as possible. This way they learn to accept and honour who they truly are and wont’ feel the need to put on an act in order to gain acceptance with friends or lovers.

The best thing we can do for our children is to arm them with the most solid foundation that we can, and trust them to go into the world and be the best that they can be.

I wish you all the best on your parenting journey.
-If you would like to discuss a specific parenting issue, receive some one on one guidance or even have me come meet and work with your family.
-Or if you’d like to be kept informed when I hold parenting classes and workshops.
please contact me on my contact page.
http://www.meaningfulideas.com/contact-me/

Teens Need Us to Believe Them and Believe IN Them

April 26, 2015

teens need us to believe them
Validate the pain of young people

I understand the frustration of dealing with rude teens.
It seems they’re being so disrespectful to others and themselves.
It can really be annoying and upsetting.

I do not believe that young people are simply choosing to be rude,
nor do I believe that they are naturally disrespectful.

The way I look at it is this,

Kids Come Into The World Pure And Loving

When they were born, when they were 6 months old I doubt they were rude in this way.
Have you looked into a babies eyes? Did you see anger and disrespect?

At some point along the way they learned this behaviour. Both by mimicking the behaviour they saw in the adults around them, and as a result of the way they have been treated.

When I look at the very young I see beauty and wonder, kindness and enthusiasm, a deep desire to love be loved. Somewhere along the way this is diminished.

Return to the Natural State

What is needed is a return our natural state of beauty. This will bring about the healing necessary for them to be the true kind and loving human beings that they are.

This is true for all of us as well. We all need this healing, we all can become more authentic. Our true centre is love and a large part of our evolution is to journey back to our centre. With young people and teens we have the opportunity to guide them through this process, for they are still developing in a way that most adults are not.

Hardened Hearts

The world has quite far to go before we attain a state of compassion and peace.
Too many people have hardened their hearts against the pain of others.

This has happened because of their own pain.
Most of the time they don’t even realize this is the case,
but that doesn`t make it any less true nor any less damaging.

I truly believe rude and rebellious behaviour in teens comes from a desire for love and respect that is lacking in their lives.

Young people experience struggles and pain that adults have forgotten about.
We often think that our adult pain is more valid.
I`m not sure how we have come to that conclusion.

Teens Feel Very Deeply

The stress and pain of our young people is very deep.
Teens feel things very deeply.
Their self-image is still being formed.
Their journey from complete dependence to independence is full of traps and pitfalls.
They are very vulnerable and require the guidance and love of evolved and conscious adults.

But not adults who have lost their compassion.
Not adults who have forgotten what it’s like to be young.

They need us to believe them and believe IN them.
Even when they act out.
In fact the experience of someone continuing to believe in you when you’ve screwed up is very profound. It is an example of unconditional love. This always has a transformative effect.

They Don’t Need More Control, They Need More Love

Too many people think that returning to the strictness of old will bring about more stability in youth.
This is simply not the case.

Children need good examples.
They need love and acceptance.
They need support and validation.
They need protection.

Love is the Strongest Transforming Power

In the final analysis there is only one thing that will bring about the healing we need,
the transformation of society we desire…
Love

Only love has the power to overcome heartless and cruel thoughts.
Only love can heal the wounds that run so deep as to make people prey on the weak and vulnerable.
Only love can inspire others to stand up for what`s right, to stand up and protect those in need.

And it is Unconditional Love that can open the hearts of our teens and show them the beauty that is all around them and the beauty that is inside them.

The Power of Love is Often Underestimated

April 25, 2015

the power of love is often underestimated
The Power of Love is Often Underestimated.

Love has great transformative power,
it has great protective power,
it has great healing power!

It is not a quick fix, but it has a deep and lasting effect.
It requires patience and perseverance.
It requires the ability to see beyond present circumstances,
to the inner circumstances,
to the vision of perfection that is flowering in your heart.

The World May Not Understand Your Love

The world will not always support your endeavour to love.
It will often seem to turn against you, to thwart your efforts.
Certainly you will be judged.

It is simply not looked upon as normal to rely on this great power.
People will question you (though they are really questioning themselves)

“Is love really enough?”

Their minds are already made up

“NO, it is not enough.”

They will give you all the REASONS why.
You’ll get all the “other things” that are required.
For their experience has taught them this painful lesson.

But You KNOW the Power of Love

How can you argue?
It will be hard to argue because their ideas come from knowledge.
But the idea that LOVE IS ENOUGH comes from knowing
a sense deep in your being
a voice calling out
an inner certainty.

Can this be proved?
No, it must be felt.

Once felt, no argument
no matter how logical, practical nor persuasive
can ever convince you otherwise.

Demonstrate Your Love

Yes the power of love is often underestimated,
but we can at least demonstrate our knowing
through our thoughts, words and actions.

As time goes on this will leave the residue of love on the world
and it will change.
One day humanity as a whole will embrace love
and know that it is enough.

Creation From the Inside Out

April 24, 2015

creation from the inside out
Have Patience

My life is created from the inside out.
Believing this is bloody hard work.
I must be more patient.
Patience means trusting what is going on behind the scenes.

When we drive a car we know that when the gas pedal is pressed, the car will go. Only a very few of us know exactly what is going on to make that happen. Yet we use it with confidence all the time.

In the same way when I vision something I have pressed the gas on manifestation. I know it will go. I do not have to manage the details, but I do have to keep my foot on the pedal!

This is what faith is, knowing that the mechanism will not fail. When I set a clear vision and project that vision into the Universe, my consciousness, my Spirit will create that vision in my life.

I Have a Big Vision.

What I want seems highly improbable. I cannot imagine HOW such a thing could manifest.
It’s not something sensible, not practical and when I look at my life as it is,
it doesn’t seem possible that I could ever achieve it.
But it lights my fire… so I want it!

How it will come I do not know, but I know it will come.
Yet the voice of the devil whispers in my ear.
Words of fear and limitation:
you can’t… they won’t… it’ll be so hard…
you don’t have enough experience!!

Really these things are true. That’s the problem.
The devil is very smart.
It knows my weak spots and attacks them directly!

A Paradigm Shift is Needed

My Teacher Tulshi Sen has said that in order to believe that we can achieve seemingly impossible goals we must change our paradigm. We must see our lives as being created from the spiritual and not the material. Every material effect has a Spiritual cause.

When I look at the process of creation from a linear perspective I cannot even conceive a possibility that my vision could manifest. This is where the paradigm shift that Mr. Sen teaches about comes in. I must change the very way I perceive cause and effect. Change it from external cause creating the external effect, to an internal cause creating the external effect.

This may sound simple, but to truly believe this is a huge shift in awareness. It literally changes the fundamental way we view the universe and all it contains! A tall order perhaps, but a worthy and powerful one!

“Unless you see it inside you, you will NOT see it outside you. The way you see it inside you – that is exactly the way you will see it outside you.”
-Tulshi Sen, Ancient Secrets of Success

Encourage your kids to say NO to you and to DISAGREE with you

April 23, 2015

encourage your kids to say no
Encourage your kids to say NO to you and to DISAGREE with you

And celebrate when they do!

I know how crazy that might sound, believe me.
And yet it is such an important element to conscious parenting.

Saying NO is one of the most important things for young people to be able to do.
When kids say NO they’re not testing your limits and boundaries. That is the traditional view.
The thinking is that if we don’t push back then they’ll just take advantage of us.

Learning About Their Inner Strength

In fact this is not what is happening.
They aren’t testing us, they are testing their own inner strength.
And evaluating themselves by how we react.

Do my parents recognize my truth, my needs, my values?

They’re not thinking about how they can control you,
they’re looking for validation of their feelings, their needs and their strength.

Don’t Squash The NO

When we squash the no, we are also squashing their belief in their inner strength. We are dampening the feeling that their own boundaries are valid, worth protecting and standing up for.

Isn’t that the opposite of the message we want to give our young ones?
Don’t we want them to know themselves and honour themselves?

Unconditional Love

When we don’t honour and celebrate the NO we are sending a message that we love them conditionally, not unconditionally. We are saying that we love, value and accept them more when they are compliant with us. Not when they are authentic with their own feelings.

Of course our kids want our approval and our love. This is why they will often do what they think they need to do in order to obtain it. If honouring their own space makes them experience our disapproval they may lose the ability to protect it.

I want my daughter to say NO when she feels NO.

I don’t want her to just go along with the crowd because she doesn’t believe in herself. I don’t want her to go along with a boy and have sex when she’s not ready because she feels like saying NO means she’s rejected.

The only way she will develop the ability to say a clear NO in life and with men is if she learns to do so with me. If we can embrace our children when they disagree with us and when they say NO we are teaching them to do so in other areas of their lives. This is a skill that they will carry with them for years to come. Instead of denying themselves they will honour who they are and what they feel.

The No That Comes From The Heart is Not a Combative No.

If the no comes from a place of fight and conflict then it will be a reaction.
It will really be about them trying to maintain some sense of their freedom.
Or it becomes a habitual way of interacting with you that carries over into their lives.

These are not healthy expressions of NO because they’re not really about honouring their deep voice.

When their deep voice says YES we want them to say YES
and when their deep inner voice says NO…
well we don’t want anything to get in the way of that!

This is why we embrace the NO, so that we take the fight out of it.
A solid NO or a clear disagreement becomes their natural right.
This feeling of it being natural also  means they don’t need to say No when they don’t really mean it.

Building Real Strength

If we can encourage our kids to say NO and to disagree with us whenever they feel like it we are showing them that we honour their inner voice, their values and their needs.

If we celebrate when they do say NO to us then we send the message that standing their ground, standing up for themselves and standing in their truth is worthy of celebration, no matter what anyone else may think.

We are giving them the gift of independent strength.

p.s. When I told this idea to my friend Inya, she just laughed and laughed.
She said that she is going to re-imagine her entire childhood from this perspective.

In a way that is a useful thing for us all to do.
I think this will be another blog post!

I Want The Candy!

April 22, 2015

a pretty wrapper cannot hide candy
“A Pretty Wrapper Cannot Hide a Bad Tasting Candy.”

If I had ten million dollars today my life would not change very much.

I would still be doing basically the same things
dancing
martial arts
writing
composing
romancing
and Worshipping!

Perhaps I would be doing these things in a bigger house, with more cars,
in more places and in my own studios!
But these things are just the wrappers on the candy.

I value the candy!

No matter how pretty the wrapper, a lousy candy is a lousy candy!
I value the candy, and mine is sweeeeet!

How many people do you think have awesome wrappers covering terrible tasting candies?

Life Should Be Tasty

My friends, there is nothing wrong with nice houses and cars!
Just make sure that the core of your life tastes good to you.

Examine how you spend your moments.
They are expensive and cannot be re-done.
There is no highlight and delete in life, there is no control-Z undo!

How Do You Spend Your Moments?

Are you spending your time on the things you love with the people you love?
Do you think thoughts and dream dreams that are pleasing and exciting to you?
Are you filling yourself with memories that will enrich your existence?
Are you spreading love and sharing your gifts with the world?

When I feel I’m wasting time, avoiding the truth, avoiding my heart,
when I notice this I will often say;

“TICK… TICK… TICK”

The End Is Nigh

I remind myself that every second that ticks by is gone forever and all of them are leading to my death. The ticks of time eventually run out.
The breath will cease, legs freeze, arms limp, eyes unseeing!

There WILL be a final sunset.

What will be the quality of the ones between now and then?

“TICK… TICK… TICK”

Make them count!

Don’t get seduced by the wrapper and forget the candy within.

Why Try Conscious Parenting?

April 21, 2015

why conscious parenting
Break The Cycle

A few years before my daughter was born I made a commitment to change the parenting style that had been handed down to me from my past. I reflected on my experience as a child and realized how much I wanted things to be different for my kid.

I could feel the damage that was done to my self-image and self-esteem from the traditional parenting style that I grew up with. I was determined not to continue the cycle of pain and suffering that had been passed along through the generations.

Time For a Change

Knowing that I wanted to be a father I took it upon myself to change. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Conscious Parenting back then (over 20 years ago!!). I didn’t have a book or a website to learn from (the Internet didn’t exist!). So I had to think and feel deeply about what made sense to me.

I came up with a basic set of ideas that I then worked at putting into practice when my daughter was born.

The basis of the philosophy is; Communication, Collaboration, Cooperation and Reasoning with a Foundation of Love.

Kids Are More Than a Collection of Behaviours

The basis of this new way was realizing that the most important thing about a child is not how they behave. Kids are more than a collection of behaviours. They have hearts, minds, feelings, opinions, creativity and love. This might seem obvious to you, but it was a revelation to me!

The old ideas of parenting are based on control and behaviour modification,
not on relationship, reasoning and collaboration. Not on raising thinking, loving, powerful, feeling and analytical human beings.

Think of Their Future

When I think of our young people I do not see my responsibility to modify how they behave in the present moment. I see my primary responsibility as thinking deeply about their future. My responsibility is to teach knowledge, skills, abilities and attitudes that will help them to live a happy and successful life.

Of course I believe that most parents would say the same thing. If they were asked if they cared about their children’s future I am quite sure most people would say that they do. They want their children to be happy and successful later in life.

What Creates Happiness and Success?

I have found that what most people do not do though is analyze exactly what it means to be happy and successful. What are the attitudes, skills, knowledge and abilities required to achieve happiness and success? And then to allow that analysis to guide and alter their parenting philosophy, approach and day to day interaction with their children. In fact I bet even saying that one should have a philosophy of parenting would seem very odd to a lot of people. Parenting is something you just do.

Let’s Evolve Our Parenting

The fact is though if we do not go through this process or at least a similar process, then we are simply repeating the patterns and cycles of the previous generations. No evolution comes from this, no significant growth or change is possible unless we intervene consciously.

And personally I do not want to simply repeat what my parents did. I want to give my children something better than I received.

Even if you think your parents were wonderful, and did a really amazing job in raising you, wouldn’t you still want to do better? I mean these are your kids! Why be satisfied with the standards of the past? Why not shoot for something better?

Why I Am a Conscious Parenting Educator

The work I do as a Conscious Parenting Educator comes from my deep desire to help other families enjoy the benefits we have received from this way of parenting.

Fostering relationships with our kids so that we have a harmonious home where there are no arguments, rebellion, fights, disobedience or yelling. (Would you believe that I haven’t ever fought with my daughter?)

Instead we create an environment where there is mutual respect, learning, caring and fun with an independent, confident child who is also your friend.

So this is where I am coming from in my efforts to share the idea of conscious parenting. Parenting with a focus on relationship, collaboration, cooperation, communication and reasoning. It is these skills and ways of relating to each other that will produce a deeper and more lasting effect than any control or behaviour modification method can do.