Archive for July, 2015

To Die Before I Die

July 31, 2015

profound-communication-is-sexy1
We Are In Our Essence Infinite

And while we have form,
we are truly formless.

The form can never understand the formless
The finite cannot understand the infinite
Yet we continue to attempt
to communicate the infinite that we are.

Language is of form
so to talk of the formless with language
will always produce some inaccuracies.

to talk of it at all is like
trying to fill an infinite container
one drop at a time

Poetry Is The Way

We cannot talk of it enough
to ever create a complete picture
It seems that the language of poetry
Stories
Song and
Dance
Will have more of a chance to describe
The indescribable wonder
Of who you are

Meditation is Going Within… Within Where?

When we meditate we often talk about going within
Going within implies there is
a within and a without
yet the formless has no such thing

True Self-Knowledge Is Very Difficult

This is the very reason that it is a hard thing to achieve
Because in order for one to attain the formless
the form must disappear
dissolve

I Seek My Own Death

or in more plain language
for me to attain the Divine
I must DIE

and hell, that’s a scary thing.
I feel the truth of it deep within
I meditate to conquer my fear of death
so I can leave this form
and find the formless
BE the formless

And die
before I die.

Every thought we think affects our lives

July 30, 2015

 

Cloud1
Create your life from the inside out

As a Spiritual being, living in a spiritual universe, you are able to manifest things from the inside out.

It doesn’t happen automatically.
Thank goodness!
If every thought I think were to come into reality my life would be chaos.

At the same time every thought we think does affect the circumstances of our lives.

Therefore it is useful to know how the process of creation works. Then we can use this knowledge to live the lives we truly want.

Every thought we think affects our lives

Our lives are created from the inside out, from the thoughts and images we hold in our minds. Every thought we think sends a message to the Divine about what we want to create.

The Divine energy is always there, just waiting to fulfill our visions. We create the mold with our thoughts and images. The Divine fills the mold with creative energy and our circumstances are born.

This is why it is so important to have some control over our thought world, and why it is so important for the ego that we dont.

The ego feeds on struggle and strife.

As long as we are in a state of unrest it is very happy. It likes pain and fear to be in control.

It does not like the spirit to be in control because you might realize your infinite nature.
You might live in continuous peace and joy.
You might create a life of abundance and meaning.

Then what would the ego have to complain about?

As long as we imagine negative and conflict ridden situations, over and over… and over! We will continue to create them in our lives.

As I wrote in a poem many years ago:
“My mind is a minefield of negativity and destruction.”

I’m always working on my mind

I have to work full time to watch my thoughts. They so readily stray to things I specifically don’t want in my life. I tend to dwell on conflict, pain and failure. Demons from my past. They’ve taken up residence in my consciousness.

Ouch!

These thought habits are not consciously chosen by us. They come up from our past and as reactions to our circumstances.

It’s a daily fight

The more we fight against them, stop them, and replace them with thoughts that reflect what we REALLY want to be happening, the more we will see our lives changing as a result.

Of coure many people will tell you not to fight, but fight you must. It’s a battle and your ego wants desperately to win. You’ll have to fight back to keep it from being the victor.

We must guard our thoughts with all our might

Change the pattern of our imaging
Create new habits of visioning
Choose to think, imagine and vision the best, most abundant and loving things we can.

But, of course, this is not easy.

“Thinking an unfamiliar thought is as difficult as performing an unfamiliar action.”
-Tulshi Sen

It requires a constant retraining.
A continuous vigilance
A paranoid attention to the
content and quality of our thoughts.
Hard work.
Don’t try this only once or twice.
It takes practise so don’t give up.

It is worth the effort.

Saying Yes to your kids encourages them to say Yes to you

July 30, 2015
Yes!

Yes!

Saying No becomes a habit

A lot of the time we say no to our kids out of habit, frustration or lack of patience.
Sometimes it is necessary, but I would say most times it isn’t.
The more we can say yes to our kids the more they will be open and trusting with us.

Self – analysis is challenging and essential

I think it is worthwhile to closely analyze why we are saying no. Perhaps it can help us convert some of them to Yes.

NO you’re too young to wear makeup

For example, your 12 year old wants to wear makeup.
Your first instinct is to say no. You’re too young, it’s not appropriate.

I suggest if you are going to ask her to not wear makeup be prepared to have a very clear explanation of why that is good for her. I mean, why is it good for her to not wear makeup.

Saying she’s too young isn’t really a reason. Can you explain it in a way that shows her how your desire to say no actually BENEFITS her?

We must answer the question “What’s in it for me?”

Because her natural question is “What’s in it for me?” Really all of us have this question beneath the surface.

If she is able to truly understand why it is good for her, then I think she will trust you and accept it.

If it is difficult for you to come up with a coherent explanation you may need to rethink your hesitation.

Modify your NO

Sometimes we can say a modified no that includes a bit of yes in it.

Perhaps you can work out something where she gets to wear makeup once in a while, for the experience, while also spending lots of time without makeup. That way you’re honouring her desire and also your hesitation.

Include your kids in the process

When kids are included in the decision making process they achieve a sense of empowerment.

We want young people to think, to reason and make their own decisions.
We want them to know they have ownership over their own bodies.

We also want them to recognize our life experience and wisdom. We have a role as guide in their lives.

By including them and respecting them
we give our kids more reason to accept our guidance.

This might sound like in talking about 16 year olds, but this applies just as well to a one year old. It may look slightly different in the way you express it, but the essence is the same.

Your one year old has a lot of wisdom.

The challenge of letting go

It is challenging to include them when their desires are in exact opposition to your own. And yet this is perhaps the most important time to do it.

When they witness you bringing them into the decision making process and allowing them to contribute ideas that are different from your own, they feel your trust in them, your belief in them and they will want to keep those things.

“Yes” breeds “Yes”

This is why, well one reason why saying yes to your kids encourages them to say yes to you.

Give this a try and you’ll notice a dramatic increase in the harmony of your home. Resistance falls away and cooperation becomes the norm.

You have the opportunity to create such a wonderful household community!

Communication Can Build Or Destroy

July 29, 2015

profound communication is sexy

Communication is a funny thing.
It can uplift us, bring us great joy and learning
Or it can destroy relationships and cause great pain.

It really is quite a YinYang.

I have been studying and practicing communication for nearly 30 years now,
yet I still make communication mistakes with the people in my life,
and it causes no end of trouble!

It is a lifelong journey of learning and growth.

Realizing how vital this skill is
and how devastating a lack of this skill can be
I decided in my early twenties to look very deeply
at how I communicate with others.

I wanted to continuously improve that skill
so that I could bond deeper with my loved ones
family, friends, my child and all the people who mean something to me.
I wanted to deepen my relationships.
I knew that better communication skills would be a huge part of that process.

Of course there are many theories of communication.
There are many systems that teach you how to communicate effectively.
One could read and study for many lifetimes I believe.

Sincerity Is Fundamental To Good Communication

In essence I think one of the most fundamental aspects
of good communication is a deep desire to be sincere.
It may seem obvious, but sincerity actually requires a lot of work.

Being sincere means examining my motives at all times.

As I looked into my own communication ability, tendencies and habits
I noticed that my words, my actions, my intentions and my values
were not always in synch.

Synchronize Your Inner World

I began to ask myself
Do my motives line up with my core values,
the things I really believe are important?
Do I live my life by those values?

It takes effort to live consistent with my Values.
Making my words, actions and even my thoughts consistent with them.
When I do, this creates the ingredients of true sincerity.

Beginning communication from a position of sincerity,
where my life is in harmony with my chosen values
it is much easier for me to listen to the other person with an open mind and heart.

It is also easier for me to express myself in an honest way.

Create Space For Everyone

If I am living from my truth
then I can make space for multiple points of view
and work towards finding a resolution that includes everyone.

Communication like this makes all parties feel cared for and included.
It encourages everyone to work towards the big picture benefit of all.

Profound Communication is SEXY!

Good communication is such a turn on for me.
It is one of the things that gets me most excited.

When two or more people who are in
a really good head and heart space
come together to communicate about something deep
and work their way through whatever comes up
in an honest, direct, kind and supportive way

There is almost nothing as satisfying.
(Almost!)

Fostering Spontaneous Gratitude is More Valuable Than Teaching “Please” and “Thank You”

July 28, 2015

Fostering Spontaneous Gratitude
Being Thanked by my Kid Feels Wonderful

Today I took my daughter to Niagara Falls for lunch.
We went to Boston Pizza, then had a frozen yogurt.
Later on we went to the Value Village where she saw
a pair of pyjamas that she liked and asked if I would buy them for her.
I told her “Of course. It would be my joy to do so.”

For each of these things,
The pizza
The yogurt
and the pyjamas
She thanked me.

Thanks for the pizza dad
Thanks for the yogurt dude
Thanks for the pyjamas, I really love them.

These moments of spontaneous gratitude filled my heart with joy.
I don’t expect her to say thank you.
I don’t do these things for her to get a thank you.
And it feels wonderful to receive her joyful expression.

Learning Gratitude Without Force

I find it quite amazing when she shows gratitude.
Not because it’s a rare occurrence.
It happens all the time.

The reason I am amazed is because
I never made her say “please” and “thank you” as a child.

I also have made it a principle to say yes to her for everything.
If she asks for something and I can afford it I always get it for her.

Why Would She Say Thank You?

So one has to wonder why a young person
who gets everything they want,
never hears no,
and was never made to say “please” and “thank you”…
Why does this person express gratitude
effortlessly, naturally and consistently?

According to traditional “wisdom” she should be
selfish, greedy, materialistic and entitled.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s the Feeling, Not the Act

The fact is, as her friend and guide
I have always focused on what is underneath the surface.
She didn’t learn to SAY “please” and “thank you”
She grew up FEELING “please” and “thank you”

Trying to make her say “please” and “thank you” only affects the surface.
It does not actually teach the nature of
gratitude, appreciation or generosity.
These things are feelings.
They come from the heart and are expressed outwardly.

Forced Behaviour Doesn’t Teach Feeling

Forcing kids to say “please” and “thank you” is in fact
ineffective in teaching gratitude.
I believe it actually teaches the opposite.

Because when kids are forced to behave in particular way
there is always a resentment that accompanies it.
At the very least there is a lack of conscious thought present in those moments.
When kids have to obey the external command
They are not listening to their internal environment.
This is necessarily so.

They may be hearing their internal message,
but they are being forced to ignore it
in favour of the external message of
the adult in power.

A Three Year Old Demonstrates Pure Gratitude

This afternoon in the Value Village there was a 3 year old child in a buggy.
He dropped a little toy he was playing with.
I was nearby so I immediately picked it up
and handed it to him with a big smile on my face.
He was so happy that I rescued his toy he was beaming with joy.

The look of gratitude in his eyes filled me with joy myself.
We had a moment of mutual upliftment.

No Need For Words

There was no need for words to express the
“please” and “thank you” and “you’re welcome”.

His gratitude was natural and flowed from the core of his being.
If his mother had turned around at that moment and said
“Say thank you to the nice man.”
the moment of pure giving and receiving,
of pure joy,
of beautiful, mutual gratitude
would have been lost.

He Was My Teacher

In that moment he was teaching me about gratitude.
I do think that we often have our roles reversed in our minds.
We think our job is to teach our kids manners
So we tell them how to behave.

When really they are there to teach us.
His expression was so sincere and pure
That it went straight to my heart.

I hope I can embody some of the gratitude spirit
This young human demonstrated to me!

Recognize And Foster The Beauty They Have Within

The key is not to make a child say “please” and “thank you”,
but to recognize they already have
a deep sense of gratitude naturally within them
and to foster it.

If we can enhance and inspire
what they have already within
then we are teaching this very important value
from the inside out.

When we do this it is enduring, natural
and much deeper than learning the words by rote.

Effective Teaching Requires We Change More Than They Do!

Letting go of our attachment to behaviour
and always looking beneath the surface
is a hard habit to break.

It literally is a daily effort
a moment by moment struggle
a battle of self-awareness
and a deep commitment to being an inner guide
rather than an external control.

Explaining Spanking to a Child

July 27, 2015

Explaining Spanking to a Child
I continue to be saddened by the number of people
who think that spanking is an acceptable
and even effective method of raising a child.

I suggest trying to explain the concept to your child first.
It would have to go something like this…

“My dear sweet child.
When someone does something that you think is inappropriate
and you want them to change that behaviour,
one very effective method is to cause them physical pain.

Hurt them enough that they will be afraid to ever do the behaviour again.

It’s not important that they understand, only that they obey.

I am now going to cause you physical pain as a punishment for what you have done.
I want you to be afraid that I’ll do it again.
I WILL do it again if you behave how you want to behave
instead of how I want you to behave.

I am going to hit you so that you fear me
(or at least fear what I will do to you,
though at your age I’m not sure if you can differentiate between the two)
and from now on will listen to me.

Remember this method for controlling people…
If they don’t listen to you, and if you believe they should, you can hit them.”

If you cannot say this to your child you should not hit them.

There is a version of this speech that works for punishment as well.
“”My dear sweet child. When someone does something that you think is inappropriate and you want them to change that behaviour, one very effective method is to cause them emotional pain.” – You can fill in the rest!

Isn’t it always better to work with your child
to help them learn and grow
in an atmosphere of love and freedom
rather than manipulate and control them
with fear and pain?

The Sword and the Void

July 26, 2015

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I am on a training retreat with my martial arts class this weekend.

As part of our experience we participate in the Japanese art of Tameshigiri – Cutting with real swords.

It symbolizes the cutting through of my limitations
with the weapon of love

From my Teacher I learned
The power of the cut does not come from the body.

It is the void within that has all the power.

Just like a bowl that is crafted by a great artisan. The clay is shaped into a bowl, yet it is the void within that is used.

The bowl itself is not used, it is just the tool for us to use the void.

So when I cut I tried to be aware that it was not my body doing the cutting, not even my mind.

But it is the void within that doeth all the works!

(hmmm have I heard something like that before?).

Let go of “me” and you will find the true You!

July 25, 2015

atom

“Not one electron, in one atom, anywhere in the universe, moves left or right without it being the direct will of the Divine.”
-Vivek

Seems a bit naive to think otherwise.
The idea of accident is designed by the ego
to escape the complete responsibility for the condition of our lives.

If we can blame accident
then we don’t have to look at what condition within us
has caused our circumstances.

Your freedom and your captivity exist in this moment alone. There is no where else to look.

The thing is that when you are not  focus on your freedom or on your joy, you are not truly in the now.
Or rather, you’re not aware of the now.

Remember the scene in the Lion King when the Monkey hits Simba in the head with his Walking Stick?

Simba whines and complains “Hey!! Why’d you do that?”

the monkey replies “Who Cares? It’s in the past!!!”

haha I love that scene!

In the NOW there are no judgements.
There cannot be for you would not remember what just happened  or at least the memory would have no effect on you.

You can only judge by thinking, or feeling something about the previous moment.

Even if it was just a split second ago,
your feelings are about what happened in the past.

In the present you cannot have feelings about something because you’re experiencing the thing at THAT moment.

Then you cannot have a reaction to THAT moment because, again you’d have to be thinking of the past in order to react to it. And if you’re in the moment you’d have no time to react to the past.

But going even further than that…
Even being in the now is a problem.

We actually need the past and the future in order to exist functionally here on this earthly plane. the NOW, as so many people are so fond of talking about, is still part of the trap of time and space.

Now is the centre point between past and present, but it is not beyond time!

It is the transcendent state beyond time that is our true refuge from the pains of this world.
This is the infinite consciousness, the absolute, the Higher Self.

When you have touched this state
and have learned to carry an awareness of it into your daily life
then you can achieve joy in the midst of distress
and peace in the midst of family members!

But this is not an easy task
and it will not happen just by reading this
or by thinking about it.

It requires going deep inside
beyond the veil of your normal consciousness
beyond your individuality
and the separate awareness of the world
that you call “me”

Let go of “me”
and you will find the true You!
Then you can surf the waves of life with ease.

An Invitation From The Wind

July 24, 2015

wind-5

The breeze is blowing
a message floats by
“follow me if you can”
abandon your “I”
and fly

Peace

“Well Behaved Child” is NOT a Compliment!

July 23, 2015

a well behaved child should never be the goal
“Well Behaved Child” is NOT a Compliment!

When we say that a child is well behaved we usually mean that they aren’t bothering adults.
Like when a kid is quiet in a restaurant we might call them well behaved.
If a kid is running around in a restaurant we might be less inclined to use that label!

The problem with this view is that
when we look at the behaviour of children
we are focussing on the EFFECT.
This is only the surface.

When we focus on thoughts and feelings
we are working with the CAUSE.
This is the depth.

When people say your kid is well behaved
that usually means they are not being inconvenienced by them.

Work With Kids From The Inside Out

“Good” behaviour is fine if it springs naturally from the inside,
but it should never be the goal.
Never.

Deep feeling,
profound self-knowledge,
self-love and self-esteem,
empathy,
independent thinking,
creative problem solving,
FUN, JOY…

These things should be our goals for our kids!

Who They Are Is More Important Than How They Behave

If we focus on the centre rather than the surface
then our kids behaviour will spring from their inner world.
To ever focus on the surface instead of the centre
is to miss the deep opportunity that exists in every moment
to connect, educate and inspire.

For me who they are is always more important than what they do.
Emphasizing love, connection, communication, logic and reason
helps to build their personalities, their inner world.

When Kids Are Whole On The Inside
Their Behaviour Reflects That Automatically

Then natural empathy and respect will be the result.
They will care for others naturally and just because.
Not because we’ve told them to,
Not because we disapprove or punish if they don’t.

If we do this then we’re not making good behaviour the goal,
we’re making wholeness, love and empathy the goal
and allowing them to express those qualities however is right for them.

Instead of being puppets of our programming
they learn to look within and make independent choices.

Teaching Decision Making Can Be Very Challenging

The difficult thing about teaching kids to make good choices from the inside out
is that we have to allow them to make lots and lots of “bad” choices
and then to learn from them together.

Also sometimes what WE think are “bad” choices
THEY might think are good ones and that’s okay too.

In fact it’s often better because what we really want them to learn
is to evaluate things on their own, not to just mimic how we see the world.
We really have to let go of being in control.

Independent decision making is possibly
one of the most important skills we can impart.

Much better than sculpting them to be “Well Behaved!”